Monday, February 19, 2007


It has been a long time since I've considered faith at all.

Or the lack of faith in my life, or me. If I had faith I would assume the best. .. And that doesn't happen. Ever.
How the heck do you get faith? How do you practice having faith if .... you don't.. know how the hell to have faith in anything or anyone? The only thing I really have faith in is the fact that people are stupid and will fuck up.

I hate it when someone reminds me how miserable I really am.

Maybe it's... I seem to only have faith in people who are unfaithful. And for those who I could trust my life with, I'm wary of.

It's stupid.

I don't know if it's necessarily that I'm a terrible judge of character, or if I'm convinced that I'm stupid and could never get something like that right? I don't even have faith in myself. I know I can do things like finish assignments, write essays well, do basic tasks for jobs I'd get right now.

But.. in terms of having to apply myself and change, I'm convinced I'll fail.

The antonyms of faith are atheism, godlessness, disbelief, doubt, distrust and treachery. I really don't want these words to define me, but as it stands they seem to be all I have to call my own.

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