Friday, March 21, 2008

Private: No Regrets

It is a well know idea that you should live your life with no regrets.

Your friends will often try to tell you what they think their "No Regrets" life is, and if yours is different, here comes the peer pressure.

You're so young, why do you act like you're 30?

So, what happens when you finally cave to the peer pressure, take the leap, do something crazy and stupid and act your own age? What if you regret the path you took while you were living with no regrets? What if you don't realize your mistake before the mistake can't be taken back? Now you regret the life you chose, and you have no way to get back to the life you lived.

Just because I wasn't currently being a stupid teenager does not mean that I didn't at one point act like a stupid teenager. Maybe I just got over it faster than you. Maybe six months at 18 was enough for me. Why does someone else have the right to tell me that at 22 I should still be young, stupid and free? Why couldn't I have been strong enough to tell them to go to hell and live my life the way that I actually wanted to live it?

When I was ten, or so, I figured out that there was a small trend in my family, every 9 years there was a baby born. I'm the second in the chain, and now there's four of us. So, I decided I wanted a baby at 27, assuming I had a husband and stability. I was unconsciously working towards that in my life. It was the one goal that I had. And, I destroyed it due to a little peer pressure. I currently have no hope of being settled, again, enough in three years to be pregnant.

So, what do you do when all you have is regrets and lost dreams?

I wish I knew.

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