I’ve never been a happy person, this is no secret. I’ve never been really suicidal, but I can’t say that I’ve never seriously thought about it. Recently, I had the opportunity to shoot a gun. I managed to harass and cajole my way into watching the officers in my unit do their recertification, and then they handed me the gun. Ok, so they gave me tips, and one of the officers administering the testing explained how to do everything while the other guys were doing their test. I know how to hold a handgun, and how to aim it properly, and how to pull the trigger so the bullet goes where I want it to go. Anyway, so, after an hour and a half of watching the boys shooting, and asking questions and getting well explained answers, I am told that I can go into the range area. I put on goggles and ear protection. Mike shows me how to hold the gun properly, and then hands it over. The gun is loaded with live ammunition (9mm Luger bullets). It’s a 9mm Smith and Weston standard issue RCMP service pistol, complete with the RCMP logo stamped in the side. It was weird, after all these years, having a real gun, in my hand, loaded, with 5 real bullets. It was a detached feeling. Anyway, I got over my feeling, and aimed carefully. And slowly, very very slowly, pulled the trigger. I felt a rush of air hit my goggles, and my hands snapped back a little, and there was a little hole in my target. This hole was pretty much exactly where the guys heart was. If my target had been a guy quietly standing there, waiting to be shot, I would have killed him in the one shot. I got 4 shots in the small center target, two in the arm, and the rest kind of clustered around the heart area. After all 15 shots, my arms were tired. My muscles even hurt for a few days afterwards.